June 5, 1886: ARMY PSYCHIATRIST SAYS GERONIMO NEEDS ANGER-MANAGEMENT COUNSELING; FEARED APACHE CHIEF STRUGGLING WITH “GREAT WHITE FATHER ISSUES”
(Fort Mendoza) - A U.S. army psychiatrist who has been treating Geronimo, leader of the Chiricahua Apaches, says his patient is in desperate need of anger-management counseling. Dr. Joseph Dunn made his report following a ninety-minute session with Mr. Geronimo yesterday afternoon.
"We are close to a breakthrough,” said Dr. Dunn. “But I fear that Geronimo needs additional treatment beyond the limited resources of a frontier psychiatrist.” He is recommending that Mr. Geronimo be transported to the National Hospital for Homicidal Savages to receive more intense therapy. He believes that under the care of qualified professionals, Mr. Geronimo can develop the necessary skills that can take him away from a life of raping and pillaging and lead him to a more socially acceptable profession. Dr. Dunn further believes Mr. Geronimo could prosper as a greeter at a dry goods store, or as an insurance salesman.
Dr. Dunn said he has spent the past several months listening to Geronimo “work through his issues” regarding a lack of affection from his parents, an inability to interact socially with his peers, and a strange erotic attraction to buffalo.
“Geronimo’s unwillingness to accept certain unpleasant truths about himself and his family often manifests itself in violent forms,” said Dr. Dunn. “In that sense, we can now see his repeated attacks on wagon trains, along with the torture and murder of settlers throughout the Southwest territory for what they really are: a cry for help.” A spokesman for Mr. Geronimo said the chief would have no comment.