ADOLPH HITLER TO VISIT WALTONS' MOUNTAIN; NAZI LEADER LOOKING AT PROPERTY FOR RETIREMENT HOME FOLLOWING WORLD CONQUEST(Charlottesville) - Adolph Hitler, Supreme Leader of the German people, announced that he will visit Walton’s Mountain this summer to explore the possibility of building his retirement home in this archetypical rural community. The announcement was made by Mr. Hitler’s Minister of Propaganda, Dr. Joseph Goebbels.
“The Fuehrer is looking at several locations,” he said. “Nothing is definite yet.” Dr. Goebbels said there were a number of issues that needed to be resolved before a decision is reached. “We’re in the middle of planning a World War right now, and that’s taking up a lot of time.”
It is believed that Mr. Hitler is interested in building on Walton’s Mountain because it would allow him to utilize the lumber mill owned and operated on site by the men of the Walton family. “And, when you factor in that we’ll be using slave labor, we’ll really be able to keep costs down,” said Dr. Goebbels. Informed of the imminent Hitler visit, members of the Walton clan could barely contain their excitement. Grandpa Walton said he couldn’t wait to bore the worlds most famous National Socialist with tales of his youthful adventures with former President Theodore Roosevelt. Mama Walton wondered if Mr. Hitler wouldn’t enjoy some of her delicious peach cobbler, and John-Boy Walton said he’d be “pleased as all get-out to write a few speeches” for the man who might someday be their neighbor.
