(Pittsburgh) - Hank Steinbrenner, son of Yankees owner George Steinbrenner, said his father’s health has deteriorated to the point that he no longer remembers what an asshole he was. George Steinbrenner, who is rumored to be suffering from Alzheimer’s disease, hasn’t spoken to the media for months. His last public appearance was on opening day at Yankee Stadium this season, where he was observed instructing his limousine driver to “cut it close to the curb” so as to splash water from an overflowing sewer onto a homeless invalid panhandler. Hank Steinbrenner told reporters that he hasn’t heard his father yell at anyone in several months. “The other day, a busboy walked by him on the way to clear a table, and his cufflink was crooked. There was a time when Dad would have upbraided this slob with a torrent of obscenities, before throwing him out on the street. And then calling immigration authorities to have his entire family deported. But those days are gone,” he sighed, before dissolving in tears. He quickly regained his composure, barking at a Pirates intern who brought him the wrong tissue. “What the hell’s the matter with you? I only use Puffs! Do you hear me, boy? Get Nutting on the line!”
After placing a call to the Pirates owner, Steinbrenner grew wistful. “I know Dad has built quite a legacy,” he said. “If I only turn out to be half the asshole he was, that’ll be fine by me.”
