STEELY MCBEAM SALUTES CASKET OF FALLEN STEELER DWIGHT WHITE, PHOTOGRAPHER CAPTURES ICONIC IMAGE FOR POSTERITY

(Pittsburgh) - Steely McBeam saluted the casket of former Pittsburgh Steeler Dwight White today, bringing tears to the eyes of billions of mourners watching the televised funeral on television sets around the globe. The spontaneous tribute by the beloved Steelers mascot, which is destined to become an iconic image, was upstaged by the moving eulogy to Mr. White delivered by Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy.

Senator Kennedy, who is recovering from brain surgery, ascended to the lectern at Our Lady of The Forearm Shiver Church and spoke in a trembling voice. “Dwight need not be idealized, nor enlarged in death beyond what he was in life. A good and decent defensive tackle who saw a gap, and tried to fill it, saw a running back, and tried to hit him, saw a quarterback, and tried to rip his head off. As he said so many times on gridirons across this nation, to those he head-slapped, and those who sought to chop-block him: "Some men see things as they are, and say, 'hmmm, that’s nice.' I dream things that never were and say maybe it was something I ate.”

Senator Kennedy concluded his remarks by urging those in attendance to carry on the good works of the man affectionately known as “Mad Dog” to members of the Steelers nation. Mr. White will be buried in the former NFL standout section of Arlington National Cemetery.