VATICAN ACCEPTS ALIEN LIFE, CANONIZES MR. SPOCK

Following the Vatican’s statement approving belief in extra-terrestrial life, Pope Benedict XVI said that Mr. Spock, beloved science officer of the Starship USS Enterprise, will be canonized a saint.

Spock qualifies for sainthood due to his martyred death at the conclusion of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, and for performing miracles such as the Vulcan neck pinch, the Vulcan mind meld, and the ability to play convincing scenes with William Shatner.

Spock called the honor “fascinating, but highly illogical.”

A Vatican source revealed that Ben (“Obi-Wan”) Kenobi’s quest for canonization has stalled pending investigation into the lie he told Luke Skywalker about his father’s death.