INTACT SNOWBALL NOW IN ITS FOURTH MONTH IN HELL
Scientists: "This turns everything we know on its head."
LOCAL BOB EVANS MANAGER FIRED FOR OFFERING FREE MEAL AT HIS LOCATION IF NEW POPE WAS NAMED 'BOB'
"What were the odds?" says fired manager.
POPE LEO XIV NOT OFFICIALLY POPE YET--HE'S HAGGLING OVER CONTRACT TERMS RIGHT NOW
AT ISSUE: LEO INSISTS ON SIX WEEKS VACATION, THE VATICAN SAYS FOUR
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TRUMP CONTINUES TO NEGOTIATE WITH PRIME MINISTER MARK CARNEY TO BUY CANADA
"You still won't sell? I don't need to tell you who this is with me. So, Mark, either your signature or your brains will be on this contract."
TRUMP NEGOTIATES WITH PRIME MINISTER MARK CARNEY TO BUY CANADA
"You say it's not for sale? Mark, this is the great Hannibal Lecter. Either you make this deal or he eats your face."
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