Carbolic Smoke Ball

NEW YORK – The International Olympic Committee is being questioned in connection with a barbaric three-minute video that appeared for a short time on YouTube over the weekend showing more than three dozen Olympic Committee members, including some of the most respected persons in the world, taunting and terrorizing a homeless man with the iconic Olympic Torch.

A spokesman for the FBI said the incident, which occurred in San Francisco last March, was “an animalistic assault that was made all the more vicious because one of the [Olympic Committee members] videotaped it for sport.” Throughout the ordeal, the homeless man was visibly distressed and pleaded with his attackers to stop. The man’s fate is not known, and the FBI is concerned he may have sustained physical injuries in the assault.

YouTube’s staff acted quickly to remove the video after it was flagged by several viewers, but not before it was seen more than 6,000 times.

VATICAN CITY - In his first interview about his firing in 2013, ex-Pope Benedict recalled being summoned to a meeting of the College of Cardinals on a ruse.

“They told me they wanted me to see a new painting in the Sistine Chapel," he explained. "As soon as I walked in, I knew this was trouble. They were all sitting there, very solemn, and they had that look that they were about to fire the Pope. I tried to crack a joke -- something about how tough it is for me to pray in the chapel with all those naked people in the murals staring at me -- but not one of them smiled.

"They sat me down and said,‘Pope, we’ve decided to go in a different direction’ — no other explanation. I was dumbfounded. "'You mean, I'm out?' I asked. One of the cardinals said, "I'm sorry, the decision has been made."

"Then we got into this whole big thing about whether I have another week's vacation time coming to me. Then these two Swiss Guards came in and escorted me to the church. They stood there while I cleaned my stuff off the altar. Then some monsignor asked for my keys to the Papal Palace and the Popemobile and told me that HR would answer any questions I might have."

"That's the thanks I get," he said. "I hope they treat this new guy better than me."

The ex-Pontiff confided that he had a "golden parachute," but wouldn't reveal the dollar value of it. He said his four-year non-compete period -- standard for former popes -- has ended, so he’s starting to "explore other opportunities" in other religions.

“I’m knocking on a few doors, let’s just leave it at that," he said.

ABOUT CARBOLIC SMOKE BALL

“One of America’s great web sites.” Brian O'Neill, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

“The city’s equivalent of The Onion.” New York Times

“Carbolic Smoke Ball's rise to greatness is a tale as old as time -- which, according to Sarah Palin, is only about 6,000 years.” Randy Baumann, WDVE-102.5, Pittsburgh

“This stuff is better than The Onion.” Tony Norman, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

“They’re some of the world’s funniest men, and they deserve our attention.” Rick Sebak, PBS/WQED Multimedia

“One of Pittsburgh's most popular blogs, and it's gaining a growing national audience.”
Pittsburgh Magazine

“Nothing is sacred for the guys who run Carbolic Smoke Ball. Nothing.” Pittsburgh Tribune-Review

How Carbolic started an urban legend. Snopes.com