BRIGITTE MACRON SUBS FOR AILING MOE HOWARD IN UPCOMING THREE STOOGES' SHORT
Stooges' producer Jules White reportedly 'impressed' by her slap
INTACT SNOWBALL NOW IN ITS FOURTH MONTH IN HELL
Scientists: "This turns everything we know on its head."
LOCAL BOB EVANS MANAGER FIRED FOR OFFERING FREE MEAL AT HIS LOCATION IF NEW POPE WAS NAMED 'BOB'
"What were the odds?" says fired manager.
POPE LEO XIV NOT OFFICIALLY POPE YET--HE'S HAGGLING OVER CONTRACT TERMS RIGHT NOW
AT ISSUE: LEO INSISTS ON SIX WEEKS VACATION, THE VATICAN SAYS FOUR
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TRUMP CONTINUES TO NEGOTIATE WITH PRIME MINISTER MARK CARNEY TO BUY CANADA
"You still won't sell? I don't need to tell you who this is with me. So, Mark, either your signature or your brains will be on this contract."
TRUMP NEGOTIATES WITH PRIME MINISTER MARK CARNEY TO BUY CANADA
"You say it's not for sale? Mark, this is the great Hannibal Lecter. Either you make this deal or he eats your face."
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LEADING CANDIDATE FOR POPE SAYS HE WILL BE 'POPE KANYE' IF ELECTED
Cardinal Pietro Parolin said he also considered "Pope Bono" and "Pope Sting"--but "'Kanye' should have appeal to Catholics in the Black community."
SINCE RETURNING FROM ROME, TRUMP HAS MADE SOME CHANGES
Cabinet members now address him as "Your Holiness"
BIDEN BOMBSHELL: 'POPE FRANCIS MADE ME A CARDINAL 𝙄𝙉 𝙋𝙀𝘾𝙏𝙊𝙍𝙀 BEFORE HE DIED'
BREAKING NEWS: JD VANCE REVEALS POPE'S DYING WORDS
"He leaned over and whispered in my ear: 'Keep those illegal migrants out, no matter what you have to do.'"
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POPE FRANCIS TO LIE IN STATE NEXT TO WINK MARTINDALE; DUAL VIEWING FIRST SINCE PAUL VI, ART FLEMING
(Vatican City) In a show of humility typical of his papacy, Pope Francis will share his viewing with long-time television game show host Wink Martindale. The Pope and Mr. Martindale will be laid in caskets side by side beginning Friday in Saint Peter’s Basilica. Millions of people are expected to pay their respects to the first Latin American Pope and the beloved host of television’s “Gambit” and “Tic Tac Dough.”With both men passing away in a span of one week, the dual viewing made perfect sense. “We thought it would be more convenient for mourners to pay their respects to both men if they were brought to one place,” said Archbishop Jack Barry.
“It’s ironic that the Holy Father was prepared to preside over Mr. Martindale’s funeral service, and then, this,” he said, his voice cracking.
This is the first time a Pope has lied in state next to a quiz show personality since Pope Paul VI shared a grief period with Art Fleming, long-time host of “Jeopardy.” When asked if he anticipated any future double viewings, the Archbishop said, “that is not likely.”
LEADING CATHOLIC THEOLOGIAN WARY OF ZOOM CONCLAVE, MAIL-IN BALLOTS IN SELECTION OF NEW POPE
Dr. David Corbett spoke with reporters outside his office this morning. “There is no substitute for in-person meetings, particularly when it involves selecting a leader for the one true Holy Roman Catholic Church. Now that the Cardinals are meeting via Zoom, how often do you think someone is going to turn off the camera and audio after joining the meeting? I hope it never happens, but it certainly could.”
He went on to say that mail-in ballots are fraught with peril. “The instructions with the ballots that were mailed from the Vatican yesterday clearly state that the ballot must be marked with the full name and address of the voter on the return envelope. What happens when one of the men neglect to include a date, or fail to write their full name? I see the potential for chaos.”
Dr. Corbett concluded by saying that the ‘I Voted” stickers given to all eligible Cardinals in the pending papal election was “a nice touch.”
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