INTERCOURSE, PA - A group of progressive Amish in Intercourse, Pennsylvania, sick and tired of their town being the butt of jokes the world over, want to catapult its quaint and naive image into the 21st Century. Farmer Abner Stoltzfus, 29, explained: "City folk laugh at the name of our town because they know the people here didn't mean for it to have a sexual connotation. They're really laughing at how unsophisticated we are." To "update" the town's image, Stoltfus has proposed that its name be changed to "F*uck, Pennsylvania." (Pursuant to the policy of this news source not to print outlandish news items, we will not repeat the proposed name in its entirety.) "Instead of laughing at us, they'l be talking about how hip we are, how progressive the Amish have become," said Stoltzfus, as he combed the hair on his buggy's horse.
Stoltzfus was regarded as a local maverick even before his proposal because last month he admitted that he secretly taught seven young Amish men to drive automobiles, an activity strictly forbidden among the Amish. That story was reported by national news services because all seven of the the young men were also named "Abner Stoltzfus," even though none are related to Stoltzfus or to each other.
Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell doesn't like the name-change proposal because he fears the new name would be seized upon by Pennsylvania's detractors as "a comical way to curse the entire Commonwealth of Pennsylvania."
