FIRST SEGMENT: TO MAKE HOWARD STERN THINK "THE MOST TRUSTED MAN IN AMERICA" IS CHEATING ON A RESTAURANT BILL -- JUST TO SEE STERN'S REACTIONHOLLYWOOD - MTV's Punk'd, a modern-day version of Candid Camera, has landed what its producers are calling "the big one" -- "the most trusted man in America," Walter Cronkite, 89, will join the cast next season and try his hand at play-acting to fool celebrities into thinking something outrageous is happening. The goal is to see their reaction. Cronkite told us he is having the time of his life.
"In my first skit, I took Howard Stern to lunch at Sardi's," said Cronkite. "Stern was surprised that I called him because, of course we don't know each other. So I immediately gained his confidence, you know, made a connection, by letting him think I'm a fan. 'Hey, Howard,' I told him, 'I loved that segment you did with those Penthouse playmates, Buffy and Suzanne. Man, those girls' breasts really sizzled. I mean, THAT'S THE WAY IT IS! Like fine melons or some such similar fruit. And, hey, man, have you got any crack cocaine on you?' I said a few swear words, and so forth and so on. Well, Stern just ate it up, so you see, we made a real connection."
Then it came time to pay the bill, which is where the fun began. "I told Howard, 'I can't believe this restaurant is making us pay because I eat free wherever I go. Well, I'll show these so-and-so's,' I said, you know, pretending to be real annoyed." Cronkite proceeded to pull out slightly oversized twenty dollar bills, props "that the very clever young people at MTV devised for me," and proceeded to pay his young waitress using the obviously counterfeit money.
"Well, Howard was really startled, 'What the hell are you doing, Walter? That's not real money. Are you senile?'" Cronkite chucked. The waitress looked at the bills and immediately walked over to the restaurant's equally young assistant manager and told him that "the old guy" tried to pay with this "fake money." The assistant manager came over to Cronkite's table and announced in a perturbed voice that there was "a problem with your money, sir," and threatened to call the police.
"Well, now I really did become annoyed," Cronkite said, "because it was obvious these two punks didn't recognize me." Cronkite struggled to rise from his chair and did a sort of lunge at the assistant manager. Stern stood frozen in shock. The assistant manager easily ducked out of Cronkite's way but then landed a solid punch to Cronkite's stomach, sending the revered newsman reeling backward against the wall before he crumbled onto the floor.
At this, a smiling Ashton Kutcher, the host of the show revealed himself and announced to Stern that he'd been "punked." Kutcher looked at Cronkite, then mugged for the camera that he had no idea who Cronkite was, "but wasn't that a great skit?" A crewmember called an ambulance for Cronkite, who is able to laugh about it all now. "Well, you should have seen the look on Stern's face when the paramedics put that oxygen mask on my face," Cronkite chuckles. "I guess we really 'punked' him! I mean, I haven't laughed so hard since Alan Shepard pulled out that Spaulding six iron on the moon and sent that golf ball sailing."
