SAYS HE'LL RETIRE NEXT YEAR BUT DOES NOT WANT TO "SPEND MORE TIME" WITH HIS FAMILY. BONDS' FAMILY DOESN'T WANT TO "SPEND MORE TIME" WITH HIM, EITHERRUFUS PECKHAM - It is a mantra older, and decidedly more tired, than professional sports -- retiring athletes claim they are leaving the game because they "want to spend more time" with their family. When Father Time dictates that an athlete's end is at hand, familial devotion suddenly becomes so powerful that some athletes invoke it even though they have no family.
Others say they are retiring because they want to be able to attend their children's sporting events; still others who've been retired for a couple of years come out of retirement because they say they want their children to see them play (think, Mario Lemieux).
It makes no difference. Whatever career choice a professional athlete makes, "family" is the overriding pretext.
The love of family is even more pronounced in the case of managers and coaches who are fired or who quit because they're about to be fired. Except they usually say they plan to spend more time with their grandchildren. What the hell do these old coots intend to do with their grandchildren that requires such inordinate amounts of time? Hang out with them at the mall? And how do the grandchildren feel about these wizened geezers hovering over them? The question scarcely survives its statement.
And that's precisely why Barry Bonds is a breath of fresh air, the highest compliment that can be paid a sweaty athlete. Bonds told reporters yesterday that this will be his last year playing in the major leagues, but then he went out of his way to add this: "But I don't want to spend any more time with my family." If Bonds' intentions were not crystal clear, he continued: "I don't like baseball anymore, but I have little use for my family, either. Make that no use whatsoever."
Barry doesn't go for mantras, family values or the American way. Barry goes for Barry, period, and that's why he's my hero. At last an athlete whose every public utterance isn't teleprompted by Bartlett's Familiar Cliches.
But Barry's family is even more to be admired. His 14-year-old son, Leyland, told reporters this: "I'd prefer that my Pop keep earning that big paycheck because that means I end up with more when he drops dead. We see way more than enough of him -- he's home all winter long. And, you know, he really is a miserable son of a b- - - -."
Way to go, Barry! Way to go, Leyland! You wisely want to be as far from each other as possible, and for that this news source embraces you both. Out of respect for your wishes, we won't embrace you at the same time.
Hon. Rufus Peckham
EDITOR' S NOTE: WE REGRET TO REPORT THAT THE INFORMATION CONTAINED IN JUDGE PECKHAM'S COLUMN IS NOT ACCURATE, THROUGH NO FAULT OF HIS. OUR STAFF REPORTER MISQUOTED MR. BONDS, WHO ACTUALLY SAID: "I WANT TO PLAY THIS YEAR OUT, HOPEFULLY WIN, AND ONCE THE SEASON IS OVER, GO HOME AND BE WITH MY FAMILY . . . ." IN ADDITION, BONDS' SON IS NAMED "NIKOLAI," NOT "LEYLAND." THE "LEYLAND" QUOTED WAS SOMEONE ELSE, TALKING ABOUT A DIFFERENT FATHER. SO, AS IT TURNS OUT, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN THIS COLUMN IS CORRECT.
