PITTSBURGH - The head of the Allegheny County Construction Workers Union Local 249 held a press conference today to condemn the work of the anonymous boy – or boys – responsible for compiling a list of the “top twenty-five hottest girls” at elite and posh Mount Lebanon, Pennsylvania High School. “Nobody knows hot girls like construction workers,” said Union President McKinley Morganfield. “And we’re not shy about letting everybody know how we feel. When a construction worker sees a good looking woman, he’d never dream of objectifying, or degrading her by putting his thoughts in writing. In my day, a gentleman was taught to express his satisfaction at the sight of a female with wolf-whistles, pretending to bay at the moon, panting, or simply letting his tongue drop to the sidewalk. Apparently, times have changed, and not for the better.”
Morganfield added “the boys responsible for this list ought to get out from behind their computer terminals and sit on a retaining wall somewhere, preferably near an area with a high volume of pedestrian traffic, to understand what it means to leer at a woman in a socially acceptable way."
In a related story, the Mount Lebanon School Board is holding public hearings this evening to determine whether or not the district should reinstate the controversial International Chivalry Course that was cancelled earlier this year. The course, taught by surviving members of the Knights Templar, requires all male students to take a vow of chastity, poverty and obedience, spend a minimum of three weekends per month questing, and insists that the desire for sexual gratification be channeled into something more productive, like plundering. A survey conducted in light of this recent scandal showed a majority of parents favored the reinstatement of the program.
