BOSTON - A blue-ribbon panel of the world's leading economists will issue a report today blaming the death of ninety-seven year old John Kenneth Galbraith on market forces. Galbraith died at his home in Cambridge last Saturday. An advance copy of the report, made available to The Carbolic Smoke Ball, reveals that Galbraith’s lungs were not able to sustain the levels of oxygen consumption necessary to meet the voracious requirements of his heart to continue beating. “It’s the classic case of supply not keeping up with demand,” said Dr. Milton Gabler of the University of Chicago’s School of Business.
“What happened to John’s body is not dissimilar to the situation consumers are facing regarding the high cost of fuel," Dr. Gabler said. "Eventually, our consumption will outpace our ability to produce, or replenish the necessary energy required to continue productivity. Or, as in the case of Dr. Galbraith, to continue living.”
As an aside, Dr. Gabler called upon all Americans to voluntarily reduce the amount of oxygen they are currently using in an effort to become less energy dependant. “It never hurts to have an oxygen surplus,” said Gabler.
While calling the death of Dr. Galbraith “tragic,” Dr. Gabler said the panel refused to endorse additional government regulations in an effort to avoid future deaths. “I believe there is a great invisible hand attached to an invisible deity that is guiding us all. We’ve just got to let that invisible hand take care of these things.”
