WASHINGTON - A list compiled and released today by State Department personnel listing the “Top Twenty-Five Hottest Heads of State,” grading their breasts, pecs, buttocks, "pelvic regions and bulges," and faces, and using scatological and pornographic language to describe the proficiency of various world leaders at a variety of sexual acts has caused a furor in diplomatic circles.
Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice, speaking to reporters said the list was just “foreign service officers being foreign service officers.” She explained: “Let’s not kid ourselves. This is how government employees talk,” said Rice.
Attorney Jim Ecker, who is representing Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf, (Number Fourteen) couldn’t disagree more. “Secretary Rice’s remarks are a sad, demoralizing comment about global leaders. Each one of these heads of state has suffered a personal sexual assault by way of this list.” Mr. Ecker said his client, President Musharraf, had spent the entire morning on the phone comforting many colleagues whose names also appeared on the list. “From what I understand, that swarthy Latin sensation, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, (Number Two) is just beside himself about losing the top spot to President Bush,” said Ecker. "And rightly so, because he's really hot."
The State Department has compiled a “hottest heads of state” list since the administration of James Monroe. A little known codicil of the Monroe Doctrine insists that European powers stay out of the Western Hemisphere unless “they can go at it like a wildcat in the sack.” The State Department, in association with the E Channel, is producing a two hour television special on the list, to be hosted by Secretary Rice, scheduled to air later this year. Bill Clinton is scheduled to make a guest appearance.
