TRAGEDY GIVES FLEDGLING RIDE MUCH-NEEDED CACHET; DISNEY PLANS TO FEATURE BOY'S SPIRIT IN ITS "HAUNTED MANSION" ATTRACTIONORLANDO - Ecumenical spiritual counselors at the Walt Disney World Resort near Orlando tackled the grim task of consoling the family of Noah Swayne, the 12-year old boy who died today after he rode Rock 'n Roller Coaster at the Disney MGM theme park. Rev. Bradleys Roadhouse went to great lengths to assure the family that the boy "got a FASTPASS™ right into heaven," allowing him "to bypass the long lines of pilgrims who have also gone to that final ride in the sky."
Rev. Roadhouse later told reporters that the tragedy had the perverse effect of boosting Rock 'n Roller Coaster's ridership 80% today. "One hates to speak of human misfortune in these terms," said Rev. Roadhouse, "but the boy's death has given this fledgling attraction much-needed cachet. That, of course, simply goes to prove that there is always a silver lining amidst even tragic events."
According to Rev. Roadhouse, Disney is planning to incorporate the tragedy into its popular Haunted Mansion attraction. "We're working with mediums to coax the boy's spirit into playing a major role in that attraction, as we have done with other persons who've succumbed to our rides," he said. "But until the negotiations are concluded, that's all I can say about that."
