ROANOKE, Texas - A package sent to the home of golf legend Byron Nelson, 94, was detonated by a bomb squad after his wife and police believed the parcel looked suspicious, and CIA Director Michael V. Hayden said it likely was the work of al-Qaeda.
Nelson has long been considered the prime target of the al-Qaeda terrorist network "because he represents everything good about golf, and thus America," said Hayden. "Mr. Nelson won five majors, and an annual PGA event is named after him, so an al-Qaeda attack on him was inevitable."
Osama bin Laden has expressly mentioned Nelson in each of his post-9-11 harangues against Western culture. In his last speech he called on good Muslims everywhere to "behead and skillet" the grand old man of golf "and send him to that 18th hole in the sky." The hatred against Nelson is so intense that "Kill Byron Nelson" day is an underground holiday widely celebrated across the Middle East every February 4th, Nelson's birthday. Most businesses are closed that day, and children make "Kill Byron Nelson" piñatas sporting Nelson's likeness. The piñatas are broken open with golf clubs while the children sing songs celebrating Nelson's demise.
Nelson seems to relish all the attention, in his low-key manner. "It ain't bad," he smiled, "considering I haven't won a tournament in 55 years."
