PITTSBURGH - Mayoral spokesman Dick Skrinjar announced at a new conference this morning that Mayor Bob O’Connor had fired three former aides, accusing them of “disloyalty, insubordination, and reactionary, Trotskyite tendencies.” Skrinjar said the Mayor had asked for, and received, signed confessions from his former comrades Lavrenti Beria, Nikolai Yezhov and Nikolai Bukharin. All three men admitted to “secretly conspiring with Murphy deviationists to strangle the O’Connor revolution in its cradle by attempting to distribute huge government subsidies to gigantic department stores while the Mayor received chemotherapy treatments.” Skrinjar denied the confessions were obtained under duress, or through the use of torture.
All three men were dragged screaming through the halls of the City-County Building by armed guards, before they were thrown into a black sedan parked in front of the Caliguiri Statue on Grant Street. Skrinjar said the three former city officials were being held in the Allegheny County Jail, where they were being interrogated by members of O’Connor’s security detail in an attempt to identify other administration officials who may have participated in the plot.
“There are no shortage of wreckers among us, and we must be vigilant against the nefarious aims of our enemies, and the enemies of the peoplen’at,” said Skrinjar, reading from a statement issued by the Mayor.
Skrinjar promised additional firings “in the near future,” to be followed by “mass executions,” pending approval of the State Oversight Board.
