LATROBE, Pa - Steelers Coach Bill Cowher and first round draft choice Santonio Holmes were seen strolling down a deserted country road this morning, heading in the direction of the fishing hole. Both men had their rods over their shoulder. Coach Cowher allegedly maintained an expression of paternal satisfaction across his face during the entire five minute walk, once even breaking into a broad grin when Mr. Holmes stopped to skip a rock across the water. One Steeler official, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the fishing trip has been in the works “for some time.” The goal is for both Cowher and Holmes to spend some quality bonding time together, allowing Cowher to impart his unique blend of homespun wisdom and time-honored traditional American values to the woman-beating, illegitimate child-siring, police-officer insulting first-round draft choice.
Cowher waved off reporters who attempted to tag along. Holmes unleashed a torrent of obscenities in the direction of KDKA sportscaster Bob Pompeanni who asked if he could accompany them. Cowher was quick to intercede. “Now this is what I’m talking about, Santonio. You just can’t treat people like that.” Cowher was overheard illustrating his point by telling Holmes a parable. When he concluded, an obviously contrite Holmes gazed at Cowher with awe, and affection. “Gosh,” he said.
The trip ended shortly this afternoon when Holmes was arrested by officers from the Fish and Game Commission for fishing without a license.
