PITTSBURGH - Police issued an arrest warrant for Pittsburgh Pirates broadcaster Greg Brown today after he allegedly punctured the eardrum of a waitress when he became excited about the way she re-filled his coffee cup. Mr. Brown is accused of simple assault. According to the criminal complaint, the waitress, Philomena Jelovecki, was going from booth to booth this morning with a pot of coffee at the Tower Diner in the Gulf Building on Seventh Avenue where Mr. Brown was dining alone. When she approached Mr. Brown, “his eyes almost popped out of his skull,” the complaint stated. Brown then rose from his seat and exclaimed at the top of his lungs: “HERE SHE COMES, HEADING TOWARDS ME!” Mr. Brown thrust his cup toward her, describing the action in a voice so loud that Ms. Jelovecki lost hearing in her right ear. “AND HERE COMES THE COFFEE! OH, WHAT A CUP! AN ABSOLUTELY SPECTACULAR JOB OF POURING BY MY WAITRESS! I DON’T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW!”
This is not the first time that Brown has run afoul of the law. Last year, an employee of Don Royal Cleaners went into cardiac arrest after Brown exclaimed his appreciation for the “OUTSTANDING JOB” she did hemming his trousers. Brown was convicted of recklessly endangering another person and sentenced to wear electrical tape over his mouth for ninety days.
