July: PORT AUTHORITY TRANSIT TAKES OVER THUNDERBOLT

WEST MIFFLIN - A new era dawned at Kennywood Park today when the Port Authority Transit officially took over The Thunderbolt, one of America's most revered wooden roller coasters. PAT immediately put its mark on the ride, but the first day didn't go smoothly.

"They jacked the prices way up and the damn thing constantly broke down," said coaster enthusiast Sean Cannon. "And how in the hell did they simulate the smell of bus fumes?" he asked.

Long-time Thunderbolt patrons were upset by PAT's addition of five stops at points throughout the ride, especially one in the middle of what formerly was the spectacular ravine drop in the middle of the ride.

Many riders also expressed anger that PAT reserved the first seven cars for senior citizens, who are permitted to ride free all day during non-peak hours. Many senior citizens "camped out" on the ride for hours, causing long lines of patrons vying for the few remaining seats. Some would-be riders complained that the operator passed them by without stopping; others complained about "riders who smell" or talked aloud on cell phones; and most riders found the new operators to be surly and unhelpful.

PAT President Tim Murray reviewed all of the comments following the first day and was pleased. "I'd say we're right on target to where we should be to inject the PAT way of doing things into this tired, old ride," he said. "Just wait until they see what we do to that bungee jump ride," he chuckled.