RABBI OVADIA YOSEF ENLISTS FORMER 'THIS OLD HOUSE" HOST BOB VILA TO CHISEL AWAY "THIS FORESKIN ABOMINATION"
NEW YORK - Rabbi Ovadia Yosef says that Jews the world over owe their gratitude to a group of "giggling, inane" American teenage girls in Florence who noticed that the Michelangelo masterpiece depicting Jewish King David as a youth about to enter battle with Goliath is not circumcised.
"These girls, paying far, far too close attention to the statue's tallywacker, have done the world a great service by pointing out that this imposter is not a Jew but some shameless gentile youth," said Rabbi Yosef.
Heidi Jonas, 17, of White Plains, New York, was in Florence with classmates when they spotted the foreskin. "We were like looking at him and we were, like, what a hunk and everything, and then Brittany [Peters], she goes, 'look at that,' because she noticed it and everything, and we were all like, ewww, gross!" she giggled.
Rabbi Yosef said that "if this marble hunk -- rather, this hunk of marble deigns to depict King David, it will need a bris and ritual circumcision."
But a traditional mohel won't do for this job, Rabbi Yosef said. Instead he has enlisted Bob Vila, former host of TV's This Old House to handle the cutting that will be necessary to "convert" David to Judaism.
"I'm going to need a circular saw with a masonry blade," Vila explained to this news source. "And I definitely need extra lighting because this job requires extreme caution. If I take too much off, this young man will be the object of ridicule in the lockerroom among his fellow naked statues for all eternity," Vila said.
