WILLIAMSPORT - Little League Baseball announced today that the outfield fences at its two Williamsport ballparks will be pushed back 20 feet in time for this year's Little League World Series. Rampant steroid use has bulked up the twelve-year old participants to the point that homeruns, many of them monstrous shots, have become as routine as singles, said Bradleys Roadhouse, Commissioner of Little League Baseball, in a candid interview."They [the players] may only be twelve years old, but by the looks of them, they could pass for minor leaguers," said Roadhouse. "Take the team that won it last year, Ewa Beach, [Honolulu] Hawaii [pictured above]. If those boys miss a day of shaving, they've got full beards." Roadhouse said the boys' steroid use has other negative consequences. "I've seen college girls hit on these boys only to recoil in shock when the boys open their mouths and speak to them in their high-pitched, girlish voices."
Little League's official explanation is that the fences need to be pushed back because doubles and triples have become too scarce. Roadhouse conceded that this is only partially correct. "Yes, doubles and triples are too scarce, but it's because those behemoths are smacking the ball over the fence every time they get wood on it."
