PITTSBURGH - G. Ogden Nutting, the phantom owner of the Pittsburgh Pirates, announced through his son Bob that he's going to "give the fans what they want" -- the Pierogie characters who race each other every game will instead do battle with real, hungry lions. Nutting explained that in the middle of the fifth inning of every game, the lions will chase the Pierogies from the right field corner to home plate. "Now those ludicrous looking characters will really have something to run for,” said Nutting. “Their lives.”
In addition, Nutting said: "My father wants everyone to know that the fans are guaranteed to see blood every game, either the Pierogi characters' or the lions." Bob paused, sighed and seemed genuinely embarrassed. "My father insisted that at this point in the announcement, I'm supposed to laugh maniacally." He looked down and forced the faintest of laughs. "Ha, ha."
The battle with the lions will be conducted in conjunction with the Pittsburgh Zoo "to minimize the danger to the African lions we'll be using," Bob Nutting explained.
