NEW YORK - The five permanent members of the U.N Security Council reached an agreement this morning on a statement demanding that the President of Iran “immediately cease wearing his windbreaker and open neck sport shirts and put on a necktie when performing his duties as head of state.” The Security Council also insisted that the Iranian President destroy his stockpile of leisure suits, polyester pants and platform shoes within thirty days.
Secretary General Koffi Annan said he was authorized to impose a five hundred dollar a day fine on President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad until he lets French fashion inspectors examine the contents of his closets to ensure that he has complied with the U.N. directive.
When President Ahmadinejad, who campaigned for President of Iran by pledging to “make every day casual day in Iran,” was informed of the punishment meted out by the Security Council, he became visibly angry. “This is why I need a nuclear weapon,” he said to several members of his security detail.
Secretary General Koffi Annan said President Ahmadinejad has been warned repeatedly about his wardrobe, and the consequences for failing to adhere to the universally accepted standard of dress for world leaders. The only world leader remaining from the days when non-traditional attire was deemed acceptable is Fidel Castro, who was granted a special exemption from the new regulations.
“The Security Council will reconvene in ten days to review this matter,” said Annan. He refused to say whether the fifteen members of the council would authorize military force to impose a makeover, or at least a decent haircut. “We’ll wait for special envoy Mr. Blackwell’s report before making any final decisions,” he said.
