TEHRAN - The Axis of Evil is putting heavy pressure on terrorist groups around the globe to showcase Axis of Evil merchandise and Axis of Evil personnel if they wish to continue receiving Axis of Evil sponsorship.
That includes having terrorists wear Axis of Evil baseball caps, or clothes bearing the Axis of Evil insignia in clearly visible places during the commission of terrorist acts to ensure maximum exposure to the general public. It also means traveling to and from all terrorist activities in Axis of Evil mini-vans.
Axis of Evil recording secretary Ahem Ahmen Ahmen announced the new policy when he spoke to reporters last night following the conclusion of the Axis of Evil’s Board of Directors meeting. “In the past, we have been satisfied with a simple voice-over proclamation prior to a terrorist act,” said Ahmen. “It was sufficient to inform those about to be blown to bits that ‘this suicide bombing is brought to you by The Axis of Evil, proud sponsors of global terrorism,’ but our research indicates that isn’t doing the trick anymore.”
Ahmen points to a precipitous decrease in sales of officially licensed Axis of Evil terrorist gear, and a startling lack of name recognition within the demographically desirable fifteen-to-twenty-five set. He was optimistic the Board of Directors new mandates would revive the once-proud organization. “The Axis of Evil is the gold standard for global unrest. We are not going to let this franchise slip into irrelevance.”