RAVENSTAHL TELLS ONORATO 'MERGE THIS'
Pittsburgh Mayor Luke Ravenstahl denied any rift with Allegheny County Executive Dan Onorato over whether the city and the county should merge resources. Analysts say that although Ravenstahl initially paid lip service to merger shortly after becoming mayor in 2006, he has backed away from supporting it because it could lead to the elimination of his job if Pittsburgh's government is folded into Allegheny County's. At a joint public appearance yesterday, an obviously miffed Ravenstahl was heard telling Onorato he is "all in favor" of merging city and County resources. "How about we start by letting me [merge with] your sister?" the mayor asked.
STEVEN SEAGAL SAYS FBI PROBE, NOT NON-EXISTENT TALENT, RUINED CAREER
Martial arts grade B movie star Steven Seagal told a reporter that an FBI investigation into his alleged ties with organized crime has scared off movie moguls from hiring him and ruined his career. Seagal said he wouldn't speculate if movie moguls were also scared off by his inability to act, the fact that he has gained in excess of 100 pounds, or his non-existent box office appeal.
HORROR KING STEPHEN KING MISTAKEN FOR WRITER IN AUSSIE OUTBACK
Best selling author Stephen King was mistaken for a writer at an outback bookstore, local media reported today. A customer at the store saw King perusing Pet Sematary, one King's books, and said to his wife, "I think the writer of that book is looking at." When King left the bookshop, the man picked up the book and started to read it but put it down disgustedly. "I'm sure that was the author, but he's no writer," the man told his wife.
PRESIDENT BUSH ADMITS MAKING SHORT SHRIFT OF CRITICS' CONCERNS OVER IRAQ WAR, VOWS TO MAKE LENGTHY SHRIFT OF THEM FROM NOW ON
Bush also says he prides himself on being a "stickler for generalities"