PITTSBURGH - Troy Polamalu may be excommunicated from the Roman Catholic Church, thanks to two of Western Pennsylvania's leading bloggers. 2 Political Junkies ran a story two weeks ago, and The Burgh Blog picked up on it, reporting that Polamalu posed semi-nude for the September issue of GQ Magazine. In response to the stories, the Diocese of Pittsburgh immediately launched an investigation and yesterday issued a report sternly warning Polamalu "to henceforth refrain from the producing material that constitutes near-occasions of sin similar to this depraved magazine cover." Father Lou Vallone, who headed the committee that drafted the report, summed it up: "What this means in English is, keep your damn clothes on, Troy."
Archbishop Donald Wuerl of Washington, D.C. traveled to Pittsburgh to personally deliver the rebuke to the popular Steeler. Steelers owner Dan Rooney accompanied the Archbishop and told a reporter that he was "shocked and thoroughly disgusted" by Polamalu's actions. "Why, if my father [Steeler founder Art Rooney] were to see this photograph, he'd rise from his grave and I'd only have to bury him again."
Diocesan spokesman Father Ron Lengwin said that the Church considers the matter closed. He added that the Church owes a debt of gratitude to the two popular bloggers. "While these two otherwise admirable bloggers admittedly surrendered to animalistic desires and improperly ogled this lewd photograph, nevertheless we give them a tip of the miter for bringing this abomination to our attention. All is forgotten, and this matter will never be brought up again, so long as Troy 'Caligula' Polamalu keeps his clothes on."
