WASHINGTON - President Bush dispatched former Florida State University half- back Burt Reynolds to the U.S. Naval Base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba today, to assist high-value terrorist detainees recently transferred from secret CIA prisons abroad in assembling a football team. One administration official, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the move was made in response to complaints from groups such as Amnesty International and Human Rights Watch about the lack of recreational activities for men like Abu Zubaydah and Ramzi bin al-Shibh.
Before boarding his plane at Andrews Air Force Base, Mr. Reynolds told reporters he was confident he would be able to "take this rag-tag bunch of misfits, miscreants and mass murderers and make them something more than just a group of nihilists hell-bent on the destruction of Western civilization. I’m going to make them a football team." Mr. Reynolds said his immediate concern was to get the men into football shape. "I know these guys have been through training camps before," he said. "So I imagine they’ll be ready to take somebody’s head off in no time."
Reynolds, who served time in a Georgia prison in 1974 after he was convicted of impersonating an actor, cited his own experience as an inmate quarterback as "one of the most gratifying moments of my life." He said, "When I went around end for that last, longest yard on my way to the end zone, beating those sadistic guards and infuriating warden Eddie Albert in the process, I knew I could accomplish anything." Reynolds said he was optimistic that prisoners like Khalid Shaikh Mohammed would share a similar experience. "Who knows? He may end up making movies with Jim Nabors and Dom Deluise when he gets out," Reynolds quipped. Asked if he had any idea when that might occur, Reynolds emitted a short burst of high-pitch laughter and said, "The day after hell freezes over."
