USAGE OF MIDDLE NAMES IN UNDERWORLD FIGURES RESERVED FOR "BIG-TIME CRIMINALS" SUCH AS LEE HARVEY OSWALD, JOHN WILKES BOOTH AND JAMES EARL RAY, "NOT FOR CRIMINAL WANNABES" HOLLYWOOD - John Mark Karr, who confessed to the murder of JonBenet Ramsey even though he didn't do it, is no longer permitted to use his middle name in public, declared television reality crime show America's Most Wanted. Bradleys Roadhouse, spokesperson for the FBI, issued a statement that the FBI will abide by the verdict of America's Most Wanted because "that very entertaining and informative show is sort of the arbiter of style when it comes criminals and their vile ways."
The host of America's Most Wanted, John Walsh, spoke of Karr with derision. "[Karr] is not a real criminal," said Walsh, his words spiked with anger. "He's a criminal wannabe. How dare he adopt a middle name and put himself in the same category as John Wilkes Booth and the others," he said, angrily pounding his fist on the table.
Walsh said that the only other time he stripped a criminal of his middle name was in the case of Sirhan Xavier Sirhan, because Walsh was outraged over the cowardly manner in which Sirhan killed Sen. Robert F. Kennedy. "Besides," Walsh noted, "I thought 'Sirhan Sirhan' without any middle name sounded funnier."
