PITTSBURGH - Pittsburgh broadcasting icon Myron Cope, retired since 2005 as the Steelers' color commentator, has volunteered to teach the Pittsburgh Penguins' newest star, Russian Evgeni Malkin, how to speak English. Cope has been intensively tutoring the 20-year old for the past two weeks. Cope said he took the assignment because of his enthusiasm for Malkin's abilities with a hockey stick. "Mmm-Hah!" he exclaimed, his eyes bulging, "this Russian kid, he's - he's - he's almost quadruple yoi!" Cope became so excited that his words melted into a stammering convoy of misplaced syllables, making him sound more like Porky Pig than one of the most astute sportswriters of the past 50 years. Eventually he veered back to discernible English. "I'm gonna teach the lad to, you know, speak the King's English and what have you. So everything's gonna be Okel Dokel. Mmm-Hah!"
Mario Lemieux, in the process of selling the Penguins, said: "I can't think of anyone more qualified to teach Evgeni how to speak English than Myron, except perhaps Yankees great Yogi Berra."
Contacted for this story, Malkin told a reporter: "Вы, г-н Справлять, для учить, что я поговорил английскую язык."
