NEW YORK - Commissioner Roger Goodell fined Indianapolis Colts tight end Dallas Clark ten thousand dollars for a touchdown celebration dance he attempted to perform in last Sunday’s game against the Washington Redskins. Goodell made the announcement this morning at his weekly press conference. He was joined at the podium by NFL Under Secretary for Showboating, Billy "White Shoes" Johnson. Goodell called Clark’s performance "an affront to the entire league, and all who dance in it."Goodell said he had reviewed tape of Clark’s end zone dance numerous times, from multiple angles. Each time, he reached the same conclusion. "I can find absolutely no rhythm in his movements at all," said Goodell.
Goodell continued: "Our fans have come to expect that when a player scores, he is going to provide a celebratory dance of breathtaking skill and beauty. Dallas jerked to and fro like a headless chicken in its death throes. This kind of dance will not be tolerated."
In addition to fining Clark, Goodell introduced mandatory choreography lessons for all white NFL receivers and tight ends.
Teams of professional dancers will be visiting every NFL franchise this week to provide much-needed dance instruction to rhythmically-challenged players. "We need to send a message to our white players that if you’re going to score, you’re going to have to act in a way that draws attention to your unsportsmanlike actions with grace and style. There is no room for bad dancing in our league."
