PITTSBURGH - Declaring "I have heard the voice of the people," Mayor Ravenstahl announced this morning that he is renaming Market Square "Wino Central." The name change is effective immediately. Ravenstahl made the announcement following a hearing held to solicit public input on the future of Market Square. The Mayor's remarks were met with the sound of someone clearing his throat, isolated outbursts of profanity, and scattered murmurs.
Several winos inclined on Market Square benches briefly raised their heads before returning to sleep. The hearing, held in front of The Original Oyster House, was attended by Mayor Ravenstahl, City Planning Director Pat Ford, Jack Piatt, chairman of Millcraft Industries, the developer in charge of the project, and several hundred homeless people.
"For as long as I can remember, this place has been home to some of the area's leading panhandlers. I can think of no better way to honor their lives, and their contributions to our region, than to change the name of this hallowed square," said Ravenstahl. "Panhandling is a high-growth industry. We need to let our young people know that if you're interested in panhandling as a career, there's a place right here for you to learn - and eventually practice - your trade."
Ravenstahl said the new Wino Central would feature strategically placed brown bag dispensers on every corner, as well as state-of-the art sleeping boxes. The Mayor said plans are also in place for a new LCB superstore in the heart of the square, along with a statue of former KDKA newsman Bill Burns.
