PITTSBURGH - WTAE Channel 4 Action News director Bob Longo announced that anchorwoman Sally Wiggin will perform a Vulcan mind-meld on Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. The Vulcan mind-meld is a controversial, dangerous means of merging two minds to create a single consciousness invented by Leonard Nimoy in 1966. Longo said the mind-meld is being performed with the blessing of Coach Cowher. "Like all of us, [he's] searching for answers. Coach Cowher wishes Sally the best as she attempts to enter the tormented psyche of his gifted, if erratic signal-caller."
This is not the first time Wiggin has performed a mind-meld during her nearly quarter century in Pittsburgh broadcasting. In 1992, Wiggin used a mind-meld to determine the reasons behind then-Pittsburgh Pirate Barry Bonds' prolonged post-season batting slump. Wiggin never revealed what that mind-meld yielded, but she was so shaken by it that she abruptly disappeared from the air on an extended leave of absence.
Longo said Wiggin is convinced that by sharing the thoughts, experiences and memories of Roethlisberger she can determine the true cause of his poor play on the gridiron this season. "Our viewers are clamoring for an explanation," said Longo. "Sally's mind-meld will provide them with accurate, up-to-the-minute information and round-the-clock access deep into the recesses of Big Ben's brain."
Longo said the Wiggin-Roethlisberger mind-meld will be filmed and will air during the November sweeps. When asked if the mind-meld wasn't merely a cheap publicity stunt designed to increase ratings, Longo became angry. "I don't know how you could accuse us of something like that," he said.
