COMMUNITY SERVICE MAY INCLUDE HAVING FORMER PREZ RUN IRAQ FOR A TIME "TO PULL COUNTRY OUT OF CURRENT MESS."BAGHDAD - In a surprise plea bargain, the Iraq High Tribunal trying Saddam Hussein for crimes against humanity announced this afternoon that Hussein had pled guilty to the charges and will be sentenced to 500 hours of community service in lieu of prison time or the death penalty. The head of Hussein's defense team, American criminal lawyer Tom Messareau, said that Hussein's community service will require him to travel the Iraqi high school circuit to convince kids "to go straight, and don't be a dictator like me."
Messareau hinted that secret discussions are underway that could entail having Hussein's community service include running Iraq for a time "to pull it out of its current mess." President Bush quickly downplayed this option. "It would only be for a limited time," said Bush. "A year or two at most, and he'd wear a monitoring bracelet around his ankle like Martha Stewart did. Most important, this time, Saddam would be serving democracy."
Hussein spoke briefly to reporters as he left the courtroom and said that if he is put in charge, the first thing he would do to "serve democracy" is to "castrate the jackals who put [him] in prison."
