ERIE - State Police Commissioner Jeffrey Miller announced the arrest of Pittsburgh Pirates Mascot Sauerkraut Saul during a routine traffic stop outside of Erie yesterday. According to Mr. Saul's longtime companion, Jalapeno Hanna, Mr. Saul has been battling depression since the conclusion of baseball season. Compounding matters, Ms. Hanna said the volatile dumpling "went berserk" last week when he learned that Buffalo, and not Pittsburgh, was named Capital of the Pierogi Pocket contest. The contest is sponsored by Mrs. T's Pierogies. "He told me he was going to avenge Pittsburgh's loss by kidnapping Buffalo Mayor Byron Brown, stuffing him with mashed potatoes, cabbage, onions and cheese and frying him in vegetable oil," said Ms. Hanna. "And after that," she added "He vowed to perform unspeakable, indecent acts upon Mrs. T."
When she awoke and found Mr. Saul's 1988 Plymouth Reliant gone, she immediately contacted the authorities. Colonel Miller said state troopers noticed a vehicle driven by Mr. Saul driving erratically on the interstate. When the troopers signaled for Mr. Saul to pull over, he led them on a high-speed chase before crashing into a jersey barrier heading for the New York border.
After subduing Mr. Saul, the troopers discovered an empty bottle of Jack Daniels on the floor of the passenger side. Inside the glove compartment was a fully-loaded automatic pistol. Mr. Saul was taken into police custody. He remains in the Erie County Jail this evening. Mr. Saul is being held on charges of terroristic threats, criminal conspiracy to commit murder, drunken driving, and weapons violations.
