WASHINGTON, D.C. - Calling the situation "grave and deteriorating," President Bush asked the members of the Iraq Study Group to prepare a report providing a blueprint for the Steelers to return to championship contention. President Bush said henceforth, the ten member panel would be known as The Steelers Study Group. "The current approach is not working," said the President. "The nation's beloved football team has hit rough waters. It must chart a new way forward." Bush said he hoped the report would be completed before tonight's Steelers home game against the Cleveland Browns. However, he cautioned that the findings of the Steelers Study Group, while charting a course back to the playoffs, may be difficult to implement. "There is no magic formula to solve the problems of this team," said the President.
Former Secretary of State James Baker, speaking for the group, accepted the President's request. "It is pretty clear that staying the course is no longer an option," said Baker. "In our opinion, that is no longer viable." Baker said the group would look at a variety of things, including, but not limited to, getting the ball into the hands of the tight end, improving the play of the special teams, setting a strict timetable for the withdrawal of the coach, and redeploying forces on the offensive line.
"We've given the President a strategy for victory in Iraq," said Baker. "Now we can concentrate on more important matters."
