OLD WOMAN WHO ROBBED WEST MIFFLIN BANK IS IDENTIFIED AS CAR DEALER KENNY ROSS' AUNT PENNY PITTSBURGH - The seventy-five year old woman who is accused of robbing the National City Bank in West Mifflin yesterday, before leading police on a low-speed chase in the left lane of Agnew Road with her left-turn signal blinking all the while, has been identified as Penny Ross, long-time pitchwoman for her nephew Kenny Ross' car dealership.
Police apprehended the suspect when she abandoned her vehicle in front of the Old Country Buffet. Authorities theorize she was trying to get in line before the expiration of the lunch-time senior citizen discount. The elder Ross was released to the custody of her nephew in exchange for a new Chevy Malibu. “My Aunt Penny has been slipping lately,” said Mr. Ross. “But never in my wildest dreams did I think she would do something like this.”
Mr. Ross said that his aunt formerly regaled the Ross family with tales about her exploits as a member of the Barrow gang “back in the good old depression days,” but, he said, "we always thought it was just typical, crazy old-people talk. I guess the joke was on us.” Kenny Ross denied reports that he is already looking for a new spokesperson, but he was seen dining with former Mayor Sophie Masloff in the cafeteria of the County Jail before posting bail for his Aunt.
Attorney Jim Ecker, who is representing Aunt Penny, said the charges against her were “preposterous.” Despite being confronted with eyewitness accounts corroborated by no fewer than ten people, a video tape showing Aunt Penny pointing a gun at the bank teller, a large bag of money found in the front seat of the getaway car containing the exact amount of money missing from the National City Bank, and a signed confession from his client, Mr. Ecker remained unflappable. “My client is innocent of all charges,” he said, adding that “we look forward to getting a good deal in Court, not unlike the good deal you’ll get from my client’s nephew at Kenny Ross and Sons Chevrolet.” Mr. Ecker predicted his client will be completely exonerated and “back on the street making her legendary elderberry preserves in no time."
