NEIGHBORHOOD OF MAKE BELIEVE - Despite intense competition from groups such as the Isle of Capri, Majestic Star and Forest City/Harrahs, King Friday the XIII said he was still confident his neighborhood would be awarded the only stand-alone slots parlor license in the Pittsburgh area. “My subjects and I believe this is going to be even bigger than the arrival of Purple Panda,” said the King, referring to the giant purple bear that came from outer space to take up residence in the neighborhood sometime in the mid-1970s. “I can’t think of a more appropriate place to generate revenue for all of that make-believe property tax relief the Governor keeps talking about,” he added. In preparation for what he described as “the inevitable,” King Friday issued an executive order to Handyman Negri, an itinerant jazz musician and employee of the Neighborhood Public Works Department, directing him to chop down the Neighborhood’s sole surviving tree. The tree now stands on the eventual site of the slots parlor. Residents of the tree, Ms. Henrietta Pussycat and Mr. X the Owl, expressed shock when informed of King Friday’s order. “Meow meow can’t be happening,” cried Ms. Pussycat. A glum Handyman Negri apologized to both of them before cutting loose with his chain saw. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m only following orders.” The Pennsylvania Gaming Control Board is scheduled to announce the winners of the slots licenses on December 20th.
