FEARSOME STEELERS LINEBACKER REQUIRED TO SIT THROUGH MULTIPLE VIEWINGS OF ROCK HUDSON, DORIS DAY DVD COLLECTIONNEW YORK - NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell met with Steelers linebacker Joey Porter at his Park Avenue office today to discuss Porter’s utterance of a profane term used to describe homosexuals following last Thursday night's Steelers game. Porter directed the term at Cleveland Browns tight end Kellen Winslow, Jr. in remarks made to a reporter.
Goodell and Porter met with representatives from ACT-UP, the North American Man-Boy Love Association, and the entire cast of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy for nearly an hour before meeting with the press. Harvey Fierstein, speaking for the ad hoc committee of homosexual rights groups, pronounced himself satisfied with Porter’s explanation and subsequent apology. “Joey was just being Joey,” said Fierstein.
Commissioner Goodell, however, was far less forgiving. “Mr. Porter’s comments were a poor reflection on his team and our league,” said Goodell. “I want everybody to know that we do not condone insulting remarks directed at fruitcakes,” he said, before quickly adding, “And I’m not just saying that because it’s Christmas.” As part of his punishment, Porter will have to sit through repeated screenings of the film “Pillow Talk,” as well as multiple listenings of the newly remastered “Judy at Carnegie Hall” compact disc. Porter said he was prepared to do whatever was necessary to put this thing behind him. “If I have to wear a pink ribbon on my uniform for the last three games to show I’m serious about giving love to the gay community, that’s what I’ll do.”
