NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE ISSUES SEVERE WEATHER ALERT FOR SODOM, GOMORRAH; ALL EVENING ACTIVITIES CANCELLED
CANAAN - The National Weather Service has issued a severe weather alert for the twin cities of Sodom and Gomorrah effective immediately following the departure of two angels of the Lord visiting the Lot family. The forecast calls for heavy downpours of sulphurous fire over the entire sinning area, with the highest amounts falling over those neighborhoods inhabited by the most wicked residents.
According to Storm Team Canaan Chief Meteorologist Ishmael DeNardo, the powerful storm is a result of several factors. “First, the jet stream has been very active, which allows much needed gulf moisture to surge northward. When that moisture combines with cold air locked in place over the region as a result of a ridge of high pressure coming down from Babylonia, and you factor in our terrible wickedness, conditions are perfect for the creation of golf-ball size brimstone and torrential downpours of fire-rain.” Mr. DeNardo went on to say “when you add the wrath of a vengeful Yahweh, this is the kind of weather you’d expect.”
Mr. Guy Costa, Director of the Sodom and Gomorrah Public Works Department, issued a statement late today assuring citizens that road crews will be working around the clock to clear streets of fire, debris, and the charred remains of the doomed. “Even so,” said Mr. Costa, “If you don’t have to do any traveling tonight, just stay home.”