WASHINGTON - Secretary of Defense Robert Gates said that Colonel Harlan Sanders, founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken and a former commanding officer in the legendary “Fightin’ Fryers,” an elite unit of the U.S. Quartermaster Corps that has provided buckets of chicken to combat troops from Khe Sanh to Kabul , has been called back to duty. “I am pleased to announce that as part of the President’s initiative to improve the morale of U.S. forces participating in Operation Iraqi Freedom, we have once again given a commission to Colonel Sanders,” said Gates.
Colonel Sanders is scheduled to report to Fort Campbell, Kentucky tomorrow morning. It is not known if the Colonel will forego his traditional dress for combat fatigues. Sanders was wounded by a sniper in Fallujah during his first tour of duty in Iraq, in part because of his unwillingness to wear anything but his trademark white suit and black bow tie in battle. “He might as well have had a bullseye on his back,” said Gates.Speaking to reporters from the front porch of his old Kentucky home, Sanders was enthusiastic about getting another opportunity to serve his country. “I am certain that my delicious chicken, with its’ secret blend of eleven herbs and spices, will give our boys the necessary nutritional benefits they require to help bring an end to the sectarian violence currently afflicting that troubled land.”
Three C-30 Transport Planes filled with poultry left Bader-Meinh off Air Force Base in Germany early this morning. Members of the quartermaster corps will begin slaughtering the chickens today in preparation for the Colonel’s arrival next week.
