PITTSBURGH -- 30-something computer programmer Todd Lincoln Park has threatened to move back to Phoenix if the city continues to fail to bestow upon him benefits to which he believes he is clearly entitled.
Park, who took up residency in a studio apartment in Shadyside this March, would not elaborate on exactly what he meant by "benefits," but hinted “season tickets to the Steelers would be nice.”
Clark is outraged because he said that since his move to assume a position at Carnegie Mellon University, he has yet to receive a personal phone call from the Mayor or “anyone else of importance” thanking him for his decision to accept a job and relocate here, especially considering he had offers from Seattle and even New York.
“To say I’m disappointed would be a vast understatement. I thought that as soon as word got out that a young person with a college degree -- and very virile, if you know what I mean -- moved here, that I’d be getting cards and letters in the mail, and maybe even a key to the city. I mean, that’s the impression I got from reading about Pittsburgh when I lived in Arizona,” he disparaged.
"The City's extreme focus on sucking up to, and everything short of sucking otherwise, young people greatly influenced my decision to haul it all the way out here."
Mayor Luke Ravenstahl’s office had no comment as of press time, nor a spokesperson.