G-8 Summit Tensions Hamper Bush's Trip

PRAGUE -- The White House has dubbed the President's current trip to meet with G-8 leaders in Germany "Making Enemies Where None Existed." Presidential aides said that to achieve this goal, Mr. Bush has gone out of his way to put a frosty coating on his previously warm relationship with Russian President Vladimir Putin by threatening to beef up missile defenses in former Soviet satellites. "Mission Accomplished," said a high ranking White House staffer after Mr. Bush managed to coax Putin into threatening to target Europe with intercontinental ballistic missiles.

The president explained his game plan for the summit: "I'm going to say to Putin, 'We were all happier when we had that cold war, Vladimir.' I'm also going to tell him he's a Rooskie, candy-ass, heh-heh." The president added that the other G-8 leaders are "either girlie-men or manly-girls." Mr. Bush then illustrated for the press the size of his own testicles, pictured above.

When asked about Mr. Bush's comments, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice smiled and waved her hand dismissively. "Oh, he's just being silly. Everybody understands he's just being silly." Rice
said she is certain she can overcome the president's "adolescent, macho posturing, and pursue productive solutions with our G-8 allies."