WASHINGTON - Doctors at George Washington University Hospital discovered today that Vice President Dick Cheney is a robot.
Cheney underwent minor surgery Saturday morning to replace the battery that powers a device that makes it appear he has a heart. When physicians opened up the Vice President's chest, an audible gasp was heard in the operating room and none of the personnel present said anything for more than a minute. Then a physician whispered, "Let's get this over with as quickly as possible."
Cheney, who was awake throughout the procedure, opened his eyes and winked at the physicians. In a calm speaking voice he warned them not to reveal what they had learned.
"Gentlemen, the last person who threatened to tell was named Harry Whittington. I promptly shot him in the face." Whittington was the Texas lawyer Cheney shot on a quail hunting trip in February 2006. "He knows that if he ever says a word, he's a dead man. And that goes for you, too."