LONDON - Prime Minister Gordon Brown declared Dr. John Watson, long-time sidekick of detective Sherlock Holmes, a “person of interest” in the Glasgow terror attack. The Prime Minister directed MI5, the British security service, to take Dr. Watson into custody pending completion of a government investigation into the plot.
A furious Holmes, wearing his trademark deerstalker cap, clutching a magnifying glass in one hand and a pipe in the other, met with reporters shortly after Dr. Watson was arrested. He denounced the Prime Minister’s assault on the character of his friend.
“Dr. Watson could not have driven that automobile filled with propane tanks into the airport at Glasgow,” said Holmes. “He was here with me, all weekend, at the Baker Street residence we share, playing a game of chess. As a matter of fact, I was just about to defeat him for the ten thousandth consecutive time when we heard news of the explosion on the wireless.”
Holmes expressed skepticism that MI5, or Scotland Yard, would be capable of apprehending the real culprits. “Even I, with my encyclopedic knowledge of botany, chemistry, politics, literature, theology, philosophy, art, biology, swordplay, and the languages of the near and far east, would find it difficult to identify the villain in this lurid tale,” he said. A disappointed sigh arose from the crowd.
"Difficult, but not impossible,” he added. Holmes then began to pace back and forth, his body hunched forward, as he outlined the clues left at the scene of the crime. After a highly-detailed exposition of the facts, and multiple references to his own impressive powers of deductive reasoning, he prepared to reveal the individual responsible for the attacks. However, before he could utter the name, police arrested him for violating the new anti-smoking ban in Britain. Holmes remains in the Tower of London this evening.
