WASHINGTON, D.C. - Scientists trying to create a detailed inventory of all the matter and energy in the cosmos have run into a curious problem--the vast majority of it is missing. Only 4 percent of the matter and energy in the universe has been found. The other 96 percent remains elusive.
But not for long. Scientists have called Hans Blix out of retirement to find the missing matter. Blix is the former chief UN arms inspector in Iraq who claimed he could find no evidence that Saddam Hussein harbored weapons of mass destruction.
Blix says he's going to do what he does best. "If the missing matter isn't there, don't worry, I won't find it. I am among the world's foremost authorities on not finding things that aren't there."
President Bush did not hide his displeasure with the appointment. "That fool couldn't find his [penis] if his life depended on it," Bush said. The President announced that the United States plans to take action on its own concerning the missing matter without awaiting Blix's findings. "I will get the man who did this," Bush vowed.