Game stats are meaningless in rankings, as “hot girlfriends” are the only criterion; Tom Brady leads, with Roethlisberger a distant third

NEW YORK --- In an attempt to attract more young male readers, People Magazine has inaugurated a new ratings system that will evaluate NFL quarterbacks based on the women they date. People’s Sports Editor Bob Brenneman unveiled the rankings at a press conference, and, as expected, Tom Brady leads all quarterbacks with a perfect 158.0 rating.

“Just as the Patriots seems to play in a league all their own in the NFL, Tom Brady is in his own league with women,” Brenneman said today. “Supermodels are drawn to him. Not only does he have a child with one, he is currently dating Gisele Bundchen. It doesn’t get much better than that, and it earns him the maximum rating.”

Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo came in second at 121.0. “Romo has a history of dating beautiful women like Sophia Bush and Carrie Underwood, putting him in a strong second,” Brenneman continued. “Unfortunately, he was seen with Britney Spears over the weekend, and that may hurt him in the next poll. Britney’s a little bit crazy and not so hot anymore.”

Even if Romo falls slightly, the sports editor doesn’t think he will slip below Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. Roethlisberger is a distant third in the People rankings, with a rating of 78.0. People’s editors note that although the Steelers QB is a handsome, virile young man, he’s made some public missteps. “First of all, Ben admitted he was using Internet dating in 2005. Then he was dating an LPGA golfer,” Brenneman said. “That’s kind of a shallow pool when it comes to hot, straight women, if you get my drift. When he did a photo shoot with an actress and rumors started about the two of them, she immediately denied the relationship. That kind of thing hurts his rating, not to mention being a blow to his ego.”

Brenneman doesn’t foresee any big changes in the rankings, unless there’s a drastic change in the Steelers’ roster. “If [kicker] Jeff Reed ever switches to quarterback, Ben will sink like a stone,” the editor said. “Reed’s got a physique not usually seen on mere mortals. I think even Gisele would leave Tom for him.”