Countdown: For Men -- If you saw an unattended child crying, what would you do?

10. Approach child to help, call Dateline NBC's Chris Hansen to turn self in

9. Assume the kid deserved it

8. Locate child’s mother, be prepared to pay child support

7. Give child real reason to cry: Pirates season tickets

6. Assure child things could be worse: "Britney Spears could be your mom”

5. Distract child with news that Dick Cheney jumped into presidential race

4. Find hot woman to help

3. Offer to remove child from Pittsburgh Public Schools

2. Buy the kid something to shut him up, just like his parents would

1. Remind him that he’s the mayor