N.O.W. OPPOSES QUOTAS FOR WOMEN
Local mystic Noah Swayne experienced a “consciousness of a transcendent order” last night when he had a vivid and terrifying vision of hell. Swayne said that the most surprising aspect of the vision was that all the inhabitants of hell are male.
"Countless men, for as far as the eye could see, young men, old men, all writhing in pain and wailing,” said Swayne. “I asked them why they were there, and their answer surprised me, but then again it didn't: masturbation.”
Swayne said that one of hell’s gatekeepers confided that “there’s something wrong with the system" because of the gender disparity, and that hell's "‘powers that be’ are trying to get the Catholic Church, which sets the rules, to ease up on the self-gratification thing.”
The gatekeeper explained that hell is launching affirmative action programs to attract women, but that the National Organization for Women "is strictly opposed" to quotas.
