VATICAN CITY - Pope Benedict XVI issued a papal edict this morning excommunicating beloved Irish-American archetype priest Father Charles O’Malley. The edict said Father O’Malley was excommunicated for deviating from Church doctrine and acceptable liturgical practices. “It has been brought to my attention that Father O’Malley has, on repeated occasions, inserted the expression ‘boo boo boo boo’ while reciting the Lord’s Prayer,” said the Pope. “Such cavalier treatment of the original text is contrary to the intentions of our Lord, who, undoubtedly, never uttered the words ‘boo boo boo boo’.”The edict also expressed disapproval over Father O’Malley’s use of baseball and jazz as a means of bringing the Gospel message to local juvenile delinquents. “Better they should be contemplating the mysteries of our existence than the mysteries of the infield fly rule.” Father O’Malley was unavailable for comment. A secretary at the parish center said he was off on the road to Morocco, leading a group of pilgrims to the shrine of St. Dorothy Lamour.
A group of teenage parishioners, informed of Father O’Malley’s excommunication, expressed disappointment. One boy, who identified himself as “Pee Wee,” wept openly. “Gee, this is terrible,” he cried. “Father was a real swell priest.” Pee Wee said that O’Malley had taken several street gangs in the area and turned them into youth choirs. “Oh well,” he said. “I guess I’ll have to go back to beating up old ladies and stealing hubcaps.”
